


Mommies and Babies better known as Children wanting Children of their Own

by ScatterbrainedLittleSweetheart



Category: Dimension 20 (Web Series), The Unsleeping City
Genre: Gen, Grief, Loneliness, Pregnancy, References to Addiction, i don’t know how to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-15 14:41:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28565511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScatterbrainedLittleSweetheart/pseuds/ScatterbrainedLittleSweetheart
Summary: Sophie’s doing some online shopping but she’s got some things on her mind
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	Mommies and Babies better known as Children wanting Children of their Own

**Author's Note:**

> I always get nervous with these stream of consciousness sort of fic cause they’re written in one sitting and are based on a very specific mood I was in and I’m hoping that that mood transfer over to the reader. I’m always worried that they’re incoherent to anyone but me or come off pretentious. But I like these sort of five, they off a weird sort of comfort. I wanted my first tuc fic to be more fluffy but ah well.

Sophie is sitting on a couch, her laptop on her lap, scrolling through various websites for a crib. It’s a quiet day, her mother’s off shopping and she is left in her tiny apartment above Spaghettis, alone in sweatpants, an old oversized tshirt and bunny slippers lying on her couch looking for a halfway decent crib that wouldn’t leave her broke.

As she strolls Sophie starts to think about other things like strollers, and car seats, like rattles pacifiers and toy trains and wagons and science kits and doll houses and tricycles and bicycles and of first steps and first words and first days of school and then about cars and graduation caps. She thinks about tiny newborn creatures completely dependent and unformed, and then about creatures fully grown with goals and dreams and opinions and thoughts how those two creatures could possibly be the same being and how different those two creatures are yet alike all the same. 

Sophie clicks on the the next page and as it loads she begins to think about herself, about the days she spent passed out in her living room in cheap panty hose and too tight pencil skirts with a face full of smudged make up and an empty bottle of wine as her only companion and the days she spent alone in loud crowded bars trying to avoid going home hoping the noise would drown out her thoughts, hoping the crowd would drown out her loneliness, hoping the drinking would drown out her problems and even more so drown her, and the days she couldn’t even get out of bed, overwhelmed with hopelessness and grief. She thinks of all the days that she would not have lived through if it weren't for the care of her friends and family. She thinks of how small and dependent and helpless she felt, she thinks about how much she needed to be taken care of, how some days she still needs to be taken care of and how someone like her could ever take care of a small, dependent, helpless being when she was often that being herself.

Still not finding anything good, Sophie checks out a different website. Against her better judgement, Sophie thinks about Dale, and his beautiful brown eyes and his warm smiles, and the ethereal glow he had even before he died and of a tiny small Dale Lee, she thinks of his love for baby deer, his gentleness and love for every living creature the excitement in his eyes the day he told her he wanted to be a father someday, about Dale how in everything he was caring and protective and, she thinks about Dale standing over a small child, helping them with math homework, teaching them how to defend themself against bullies, placing bandaids over scraped knees, and crying at their graduation. And then she stops thinking about Dale.

Growing frustrated, Sophie decides to end her search and distract herself by going through old photos on the laptop. Sophie thinks about her mother’s excitement when she hears the news, which leads her thinks about doting grandmothers filled with love and affection and which makes her think a younger version about her mother, and makes her think about how her mother was once an expecting mother just as she was and makes her think about the rest of her family and makes her think about expectations and how her mother was supposed to do whatever the family wanted, which was to raise a child that did whatever the family wanted and how she didn’t raise that child. Sophia wasn’t the child that did whatever the family wanted and that made her mother realize she wasn’t the woman who would do whatever the family wanted. She thinks about how her mother left that family, how she left that family. She wonders about family and why people stay in them and how to make someone stay in them and thinks maybe the way to do it is to let them go as soon as you release them into the world, that maybe the way to guarantee that they were always yours was to realize they never belonged to you in the first place.

She thinks that the photos were a bad idea and returns to her search for a crib. Sophie thinks about Ricky and Esther, and they’re beautiful apartment, and they’re beautiful careers and they’re beautiful love. She thinks about how stable their life is and how beautiful that is.Sophie doesn’t have a beautiful apartment or a beautiful careers and she’s lost her beautiful love. Sophie doesn’t have stability and she wonders what beauty could ever come from that.

Sophie thinks about Iga, who is a mother, who has raised two kids. She thinks of Iga who is so imperfect and lost at times and how she doesn’t know everything but she still loves her kids and they love her back. She thinks about Kingston and his selfless care for everyone and how he makes even strangers feel like family and then about Pete and his imagination and creativity and his childlike wonder that he never lost despite all that’s happened to him. She thinks about how they love her and will love her child and how they will all watch and care for her child in their own way, and in some ways the child will be just as much thiers as it is hers and how children are not raised by only mothers but by families.

Sophie closes her laptop and places a hand on her belly. She doesn’t think at all. She just feels love, love for her family as unique and imperfect as it is, love for Dale the father that may never be yet remains a father nonetheless, love for herself because she doesn’t often let herself feel love for herself, and love for the little angel growing inside of her. Sophie doesn’t have a lot. She doesn’t think she has what she needs, she doesn’t ever think she is who she needs to be but she stops thinking about that and for once just lets herself feel the one thing she does have, which is a whole lot of love.


End file.
